Ask Annie: Wits and Wealth

Dear Annie,

I want to ensure that my Slowpoke gets the best education that’s available. Ever since he was a level one hatchling, I have been sending him to private (and VERY expensive) boarding schools where he would learn theory, be able to fluently speak such languages as Mandarin Chinese and Latin AND be able to ride a unicycle before he reaches level 10. The problem is his grades just aren’t doing so well. In fact, he is ranked at the bottom of his class. Whatever shall I do? How will I ensure my dear Slowpoke makes it into Princeton and becomes a successful multi-millionaire? Please help Annie!

-Mr.RedWineandCaviar

Dear Mr.RedWineandCaviar,

It’s great that you want the absolute best for your Slowpoke, but studies of the mind aren’t exactly what Slowpokes are cut out to achieve. What you are trying accomplish is far too ambitious for what you are working with. Reaching the height of a Slowpoke’s intellectual ability is not impossible, though. Cost obviously isn’t a problem in your case, so I suggest looking into purchasing a King’s Rock. Think of it as a sort of thinking-cap for Slowpoke. Soon, Slowpoke will evolve into the mastermind, Slowking. Slowking is da bomb, even able to use speech through psychic ability.

Dear Annie,

I stumbled upon a wealthy salesman and he actually convinced me to buy a Magikarp! What do I do?!

-Cadget

Dear Cadget,

In trades and purchases, one often obtains a Pokémon that she or he wouldn’t need or want on at first glance. Before you toss that fish overboard, check its nature, attacks, and IVs. You never know if that red chunk of seafood is actually a usable Pokémon. If it ends up being a useless creature, don’t hesitate to trade it to another person. You never know, maybe the recipient has a fish pond in their backyard or they were just craving some salmon.